The Pirates of Persist-ance

Being at an all-boys' school, it soon transpired that the least unmusical of the first formers (including myself) were to fill the ranks of the chorus girls.  Quite apart from the disciplinary repercussions of objecting to the music department's operatic directives, it never dawned on me that there might be some discomfort or indeed embarrassment associated with being on stage.  What's more the actual mechanics of playing the part of one of the opposite gender and, incidentally, one of a bevy of 'pirate bait', didn't once hit home, all the way through the various after school practices, until the actual on-stage full dress rehearsal, when, shock horror, my equally impressionable class mates and I had to front up, not only wearing a female dress, bonnet, make-up and bright red lipstick, but ... one of my mother's bras, suitably padded with cotton wool, or was it perhaps stuffed with socks (the details allude me now with the passage of time). 

Although the Pirates of Penzance is an operetta performed as a somewhat light comedy, the reaction of the audience to our various on-stage prancings and quite unpretentious renditions, was undoubtedly considerably more hilarious than its writers originally intended, as, one by one, those on the fortunate side of the footlights came to recognise their offspring, siblings and/or neighbours dressed to delight and enchant, albeit in somewhat captive and fully embarrassed display mode.

Anyway, such are the trials and tribulations of being coerced into a gender separate schooling system back in the day.

Meanwhile, fast forward to yesterday, when I tuned into my local radio station only to hear the Policeman's Song being played from the same Pirates of Penzance,  and an uproarious and rib-tickling rendition it was, even though it brought back memories of false mammaries.

So then let me present to you the Pirates of Persist-ance, a song of the frustrations experienced by many parents, forced, through pandemic and no fault of theirs, into the art of home schooling.  If I were to be suitably recompensed, I may be persuaded to admit that it was perhaps composed as some degree of subliminal payback for the discomfort and humiliation experienced by a schoolboy at the delight of his elders. 

The Pirates of Persist-ance 

(a parody of the Policeman's Song, but with profuse apologies to any living descendants of those truly gifted composers, William Schwenk Gilbert and Sir Arthur Sullivan).

——————

When the lockdown has us far from our employment (our employment), 

And we’re full of Zoom or Skype or Facetime plans (Facetime plans),

Our propensity for resource redeployment (redeployment), 

Is much the same as any business man’s (or woman’s).

——————

Oh it’s hard to make our home into a work place (to a work place),

When those dastardly distractions have begun (have begun),

And small heads appear round doors and take up screen space (take up screen space),

A home teacher’s lot is not a happy one.

——————

Ahhh

When home schooling of the children must be done, must be done, 

A home teacher’s lot is not a happy one (happy one).

—————--

First come queries on some simple English grammar (English grammar), 

Give examples of the present perfect tense (perfect tense), 

Past continuous, future perfect, makes me stammer (makes me stammer),

Then the doorbell rings, supplies to paint the fence (paint the fence). 

——————

Now there’s calculus, that must be integrated (integrated),

And the geometric x-y plots begun (plots begun), 

When did mathematics get so complicated (complicated), 

A home teacher’s lot is not a happy one.

——————

Ahhh

When home schooling of the children must be done, must be done, 

A home teacher’s lot is not a happy one (happy one).

——————

Little Johnny Interrupts me with a query (with a query), 

In which continent can he find Timbuktu? (Timbuktu)

When I ask him what’s the panic he gets teary (he gets teary),

Then he tells me that his homework’s overdue (overdue).  

——————

Teenage Mary's had a dust up with her mother (with her mother), 

Over European History 101 (101), 

Taking one consideration with another (with another), 

A home teacher’s lot is not a happy one.

——————

Ahhh

When home schooling of the children must be done, must be done, 

A home teacher’s lot is not a happy one (happy one).

——————

👩🏻‍🎓👨🏻‍🎓

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In case you've perhaps forgotten the original Policeman's song, here's a video of it being performed, courtesy of YouTube. 

The author of the above, Ken Boddie, besides being a sometime poet and occasional writer, is an enthusiastic photographer, rarely leisure-travelling without his Canon, and loves to interact with other like-minded people with diverse interests.

Ken's three day work week (part time commitment) as a consulting engineer allows him to follow his photography interests, and to plan trips to an ever increasing list of countries and places of scenic beauty and cultural diversity.