Ken Boddie

7 years ago · 3 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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The Dirt Doctor Will See You Now!

The Dirt Doctor Will See You Now!

The Dirt Doctor Will See You Now!


I'm often asked what I do for a buck and am usually stumped when trying to provide a reasonably comprehensive but intelligible answer. Well, if you really must know and have a couple of match sticks (no, not to party on pot, silly, but to keep your eyelids from closing with boredom) and, more importantly, a goodly portion of time with nothing better to do, then you may wish to watch this video (it only goes on for an eternity, plus or minus an infinity or two).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uElPkghqoJw#action=share

Ahah! So you don't have an eternity! Well for the majority of you who have come this far and by-passed the video, here is the concise Reader's Digest version of what the practicing geotechnical engineer does for a living.

In a nutshell, we investigate below the ground, or, on occasions, below water, by:

  • digging holes, often by hand, but more usually with a large pneumatic powered bucket on the end of a bendy arm (because hand digging is hard work and we love to play with big machines), or with a drilling rig (this latter tool allows passing smart Alecs to invariably ask "Found any oil yet, mate?", "yeah, hilarious"); 
  • logging what we see, performing a few on-site tests (usually because we don't believe what we see, or don't trust our judgement after the previous night's beer and curry); 
  • taking samples of the soil and rock (dirt to most of you) invariably found in the hole or holes;  
  • transferring the samples back to the laboratory for testing, which allows us to charge heaps more and also gives us an excuse when our report is late e.g. still waiting for the lab results - should be any day now (this is a common tactic also employed by the medical fraternity); 
  • performing analysis using mostly empirical formulae (this means we don't entirely know what we are doing, but, by the law of averages, we're usually within spitting distance on most occasions); and then
  • we write our report in a rare form of geotechnospeak, understood by fellow dirt doctors and, on occasions, by our engineering or architect clients (thanks to Google Translator), but which invariably remains as intelligible to the general public as hieroglyphics on acid, or the Dead Sea Scrolls.

Still here? Congratulations on your uncommon resistance to the hypnotic effects of engineering description.

Dare I say then, that I can now hear you just bursting to ask me, "For what kind of 'things' (common speak for engineering structures) do you perform your dirt investigations, Dr Ken?" 

OK, so because you've shown more than a passing interest and may have even pretended to be excited (great acting by the way), presumably either in order to stave off boredom, or perhaps to avoid an embarrassing silence, I'll go on. Or perhaps you're hoping that if you hang around for long enough I'll buy you a drink? Well think again - I was born in Scotland.

Well, most structures ('things' to you) are sitting on footings of one kind or another, typically made of reinforced concrete these days, or possibly steel or timber. These footings typically comprise one or other of the following:

  • 'pad' - this is a near surface footing, close to square in plan - and not an apartment occupied by non-boffin types of some artistic affinity or other; or
  • 'strip' - this is also a near surface footing, elongated in shape - and not an instruction for one of the Kardashians to perform for the media; or
  • 'slab' or 'raft' - a large expanse of reinforced concrete to spread load over a large area, sometimes with strips or ground beams integrated into the underside - and not (in the former case) the Aussie term for a case of beer, or (in the latter case) a buoyancy device deployed when the passenger ship or plane you are on decides to go for a swim; or
  • 'piles' - deep footings, typically driven, bored or screwed into and through poor ground, in order to transfer load down to much stronger ground at greater depth - and not the obvious medical infliction which prevents many a poor soul from sitting down properly and which brings tears to the eyes just to think of it.
I'm on a roll now and no longer aware of whether you're still with me or not. You may even have bought me a drink hoping I'll shut up, but the momentum is keeping me going.

These mysterious 'structures' are basically anything that sits on, above, close to, or even below ground. It follows that dirt doctors investigate and provide incomprehensible advice on how the ground can best support dwellings; commercial buildings; warehouses and industrial 'Mechano' type, or more likely these days, 'Lego' type sheds, tanks, or vessels; bridges and their embankment approaches; highways, including fill embankments and cuttings; canals, pipelines, tunnels, to mention but a few. 

We are also called upon to perform risk assessment of slope instability, by analysing the capacity of the ground to resist moving downhill. This really means we act not unlike a bookie or turf accountant, providing the odds on failure, after looking at likelihood of occurrence versus consequences and potential extent of damage, while again employing geotechnospeak (refer 'reports' above) to, hopefully, confuse and complicate our conclusions, and hence, hopefully, avoid litigation.

So there it is, folks. Next patient please!

...................<<..................>>...................

When not researching the weird or the wonderful, the comical or the cultured, the sinful or the serious, I chase my creative side, the results of which can be seen as selected photographs of my travels on my website at:

http://ken-boddie.squarespace.com

The author of the above, Ken Boddie, besides being a sometime poet and occasional writer, is an enthusiastic photographer, rarely leisure-travelling without his Canon, and loves to interact with other like-minded people with diverse interests.

Ken's three day work week (part time commitment) as a consulting engineer allows him to follow his photography interests, and to plan trips to an ever increasing list of countries and places of scenic beauty and cultural diversity.




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Comments

Ken Boddie

4 years ago #32

#41
... and Engineers are Architects who hate curves, Claire L Cardwell 😂

Jerry Fletcher

5 years ago #31

#39
Ken, And so it goes...

Ken Boddie

5 years ago #30

#38
Thanks for the anatomical clarification, Jerry. Now I know why so many think my taste is in my ass.

Jerry Fletcher

5 years ago #29

Ken, That explains it. After sitting on your tailbone digging the dirt for so long a part of your mind attached to the funny bone goes into high gear and we get, well we get your posts. this one was new to me. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Keep on being you!

Ken Boddie

5 years ago #28

#35
Yep, Paul, these old blogs often hang around like a bad smell. Got to get the air freshener out and spray me a sequel.

Ken Boddie

5 years ago #27

#34
Dr Who? 🤣😂🤣

Paul Walters

5 years ago #26

Ken Boddie . The dirt doctor...quite like that! Missed this one first time around

Bill Stankiewicz

5 years ago #25

We need Dr Who here from UK 🇬🇧

Lada 🏡 Prkic

5 years ago #24

#32
Exactly, a sequel. :)

Ken Boddie

5 years ago #23

#31
Thanks, Lada. Perhaps a sequel is called for. 🤔

Lada 🏡 Prkic

5 years ago #22

Ken, what a great post about what geotechnical engineer does for a living! :) Just like the first time, I laughed re-reading it. I miss this kind of articles.

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #21

Thanks, Todd. I'll keep an eye out for yours too.

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #20

Good to have you drop by again, mate. 👍#27

Pascal Derrien

7 years ago #19

Keep digging :-)

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #18

Thanks Lada Prkic. That makes two of us who know how important I am. 😛 And how shy. #25

Lada 🏡 Prkic

7 years ago #17

The foundation is the most important phase in the construction of any building, as well as dirt investigations performed by Dr Ken. Thanks for another witty and smart post Ken Boddie.

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #16

Perhaps you are referring, Neal, to belled ground anchors? These are often used to resist overturning moments and uplift loads in towers in remote places where it is difficult to bring in a piling rig. #22

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #15

Yeah, must admit that last one was a dad joke. #20

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #14

Thanks, Aleta Curry . So your stockpiles of cash must be pretty 'soiled' by now? 😂#15

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #13

No, Dean Owen only in the piles of dirt we call stockpiles. 💰😂#14

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #12

No #14

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #11

Good one Donna-Luisa Eversley. With pain management the way it is today, the only place it hurts is in the hip pocket. 💉#13

Dean Owen

7 years ago #10

Thanks so much for this Ken Boddie! I had way too much coffee and this was the perfect antidote! Jokes aside, How terribly fascinating! (that means "interesting" by the way). Do you ever find the accidental rough diamond in your piles?

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #9

Thanks birthday girl, Donna-Luisa Eversley . Seismic survey is usually performed by geophysical specialists. This type of survey often involves explosive charges or a sledge hammer blow to a steel plate, depending upon the extent of the survey lines. It can also be performed down a borehole. Good point about the lego, which is one of the few remaining construction activities where you don't need public liability or professional indemnity insurance and you don't need a contract. 📝#11

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #8

OK, Kevin Pashuk, the doctor is back in residence. Sand you can feel with the fingers and see, because it's relatively coarse in size. You can't see the difference or feel the difference between silt and clay, but you can feel the grittiness of silt on your teeth, followed, of course, by an antibacterial scrub and a course of antibiotics. 💊 I'll send you my bill. Cash or Visa? 😄 #7

Gert Scholtz

7 years ago #7

Ken Boddie Not that I know of Ken - but will ask next time I see him - note the description "distant" though. By the way - I was one who had actually thought "raft" is only something you use on a boat or river. Learning from your post and enjoying your humor!

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #6

#5
Not that I'm opposed to eating dirt, but how do you know it has silt in it? Taste? (Which i am told os hpw you tell the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer)

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #5

Hey, Gert Scholtz. Does your distant cousin by any chance work with my old mate Ben Dover? #3

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #4

Great analogy, Kevin Pashuk. Your 'chewing' reminds me that, way back when Adam was a lad, we used to put fine grained soil between our teeth to see if it had any silt content in it. Those were the days when we didn't have, or were oblivious to, environmental contamination from a swath of pollutants. 🤑 #2

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #3

Close but no cigar, Phillip Hubbell. Field density tests are actually performed by earthworks technicians and rarely if ever by geotechnical engineers (dirt doctors to many). It's mostly a cost thing. Reminds me that geotechnical engineers (also referred as soils engineers) study soil mechanics (among other things). Sometimes we are mistakingly called soil mechanics, instead of soils or geotechnical engineers. Must bring my spanner next time I am called out to site. 🔧😀 #1

Gert Scholtz

7 years ago #2

Ken Boddie A good Friday read Ken. For the first time I understand what it is my one distant cousin does when he says he is inspecting his piles.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #1

I actually do understand your "dirty" profession Ken Boddie. As for me, I've given up trying to explain my job. I just tell people "I chew bread for people's ducks". It makes more sense than my feeble explanation of my career.

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