The Dirt Doctor Will See You Now!
I'm often asked what I do for a buck and am usually stumped when trying to provide a reasonably comprehensive but intelligible answer. Well, if you really must know and have a couple of match sticks (no, not to party on pot, silly, but to keep your eyelids from closing with boredom) and, more importantly, a goodly portion of time with nothing better to do, then you may wish to watch this video (it only goes on for an eternity, plus or minus an infinity or two).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uElPkghqoJw#action=share
Ahah! So you don't have an eternity! Well for the majority of you who have come this far and by-passed the video, here is the concise Reader's Digest version of what the practicing geotechnical engineer does for a living.
In a nutshell, we investigate below the ground, or, on occasions, below water, by:
- digging holes, often by hand, but more usually with a large pneumatic powered bucket on the end of a bendy arm (because hand digging is hard work and we love to play with big machines), or with a drilling rig (this latter tool allows passing smart Alecs to invariably ask "Found any oil yet, mate?", "yeah, hilarious");
- logging what we see, performing a few on-site tests (usually because we don't believe what we see, or don't trust our judgement after the previous night's beer and curry);
- taking samples of the soil and rock (dirt to most of you) invariably found in the hole or holes;
- transferring the samples back to the laboratory for testing, which allows us to charge heaps more and also gives us an excuse when our report is late e.g. still waiting for the lab results - should be any day now (this is a common tactic also employed by the medical fraternity);
- performing analysis using mostly empirical formulae (this means we don't entirely know what we are doing, but, by the law of averages, we're usually within spitting distance on most occasions); and then
- we write our report in a rare form of geotechnospeak, understood by fellow dirt doctors and, on occasions, by our engineering or architect clients (thanks to Google Translator), but which invariably remains as intelligible to the general public as hieroglyphics on acid, or the Dead Sea Scrolls.
Still here? Congratulations on your uncommon resistance to the hypnotic effects of engineering description.
Dare I say then, that I can now hear you just bursting to ask me, "For what kind of 'things' (common speak for engineering structures) do you perform your dirt investigations, Dr Ken?"
OK, so because you've shown more than a passing interest and may have even pretended to be excited (great acting by the way), presumably either in order to stave off boredom, or perhaps to avoid an embarrassing silence, I'll go on. Or perhaps you're hoping that if you hang around for long enough I'll buy you a drink? Well think again - I was born in Scotland.
Well, most structures ('things' to you) are sitting on footings of one kind or another, typically made of reinforced concrete these days, or possibly steel or timber. These footings typically comprise one or other of the following:
- 'pad' - this is a near surface footing, close to square in plan - and not an apartment occupied by non-boffin types of some artistic affinity or other; or
- 'strip' - this is also a near surface footing, elongated in shape - and not an instruction for one of the Kardashians to perform for the media; or
- 'slab' or 'raft' - a large expanse of reinforced concrete to spread load over a large area, sometimes with strips or ground beams integrated into the underside - and not (in the former case) the Aussie term for a case of beer, or (in the latter case) a buoyancy device deployed when the passenger ship or plane you are on decides to go for a swim; or
- 'piles' - deep footings, typically driven, bored or screwed into and through poor ground, in order to transfer load down to much stronger ground at greater depth - and not the obvious medical infliction which prevents many a poor soul from sitting down properly and which brings tears to the eyes just to think of it.
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When not researching the weird or the wonderful, the comical or the cultured, the sinful or the serious, I chase my creative side, the results of which can be seen as selected photographs of my travels on my website at:
http://ken-boddie.squarespace.com
The author of the above, Ken Boddie, besides being a sometime poet and occasional writer, is an enthusiastic photographer, rarely leisure-travelling without his Canon, and loves to interact with other like-minded people with diverse interests.
Ken's three day work week (part time commitment) as a consulting engineer allows him to follow his photography interests, and to plan trips to an ever increasing list of countries and places of scenic beauty and cultural diversity.
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Comments
Ken Boddie
4 years ago #32
... and Engineers are Architects who hate curves, Claire L Cardwell 😂
Jerry Fletcher
5 years ago #31
Ken, And so it goes...
Ken Boddie
5 years ago #30
Thanks for the anatomical clarification, Jerry. Now I know why so many think my taste is in my ass.
Jerry Fletcher
5 years ago #29
Ken Boddie
5 years ago #28
Yep, Paul, these old blogs often hang around like a bad smell. Got to get the air freshener out and spray me a sequel.
Ken Boddie
5 years ago #27
Dr Who? 🤣😂🤣
Paul Walters
5 years ago #26
Bill Stankiewicz
5 years ago #25
Lada 🏡 Prkic
5 years ago #24
Exactly, a sequel. :)
Ken Boddie
5 years ago #23
Thanks, Lada. Perhaps a sequel is called for. 🤔
Lada 🏡 Prkic
5 years ago #22
Ken Boddie
7 years ago #21
Ken Boddie
7 years ago #20
Pascal Derrien
7 years ago #19
Ken Boddie
7 years ago #18
Lada 🏡 Prkic
7 years ago #17
Ken Boddie
7 years ago #16
Ken Boddie
7 years ago #15
Ken Boddie
7 years ago #14
Ken Boddie
7 years ago #13
Ken Boddie
7 years ago #12
Ken Boddie
7 years ago #11
Dean Owen
7 years ago #10
Ken Boddie
7 years ago #9
Ken Boddie
7 years ago #8
Gert Scholtz
7 years ago #7
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #6
Not that I'm opposed to eating dirt, but how do you know it has silt in it? Taste? (Which i am told os hpw you tell the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer)
Ken Boddie
7 years ago #5
Ken Boddie
7 years ago #4
Ken Boddie
7 years ago #3
Gert Scholtz
7 years ago #2
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #1