Ken Boddie

7 years ago · 2 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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No Hall for this Toad

No Hall for this Toad

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As I was tidying up around the water tank the other day, I was surprised to see that the arrogant and narcissistic Mr Toad, that ageless character from "The Wind in the Willows", had condescended to leave his Squire's residence, Toad Hall, and take up temporary residence under the cover of my water pump.

His silent and defiant refusal to move on, when prompted to do so with my stick poking, allowed me time to bring my camera and to capture a few intimate shots of his magnificent's bloating stance and wart textured skin. He eventually showed his disdain for the roof of my sun-baked water tank and hopped off to do whatever well healed toads do when not lording it over we mere commoners.

Although toads are not renowned for their conversational skills, I caught him mumbling the following before he disappeared into a clump of greenery.


"Can't a toad rest in the cool, cool shade, 

Without interruption, without being displayed? 

Who is this human with ugly white beard, 

That's picked me up rudely and then persevered? 

And who said that he could take photos of me, 

Without 'by your leave, sir' or 'won't you agree?' "


"I'm Toad of Toad Hall, you despicable sort, 

Go! Leave me alone! Take your camera! Abort! 

How dare you finger my fine warty coat, 

It's people like you who get on my goat!

I'm off now and certainly won't come again, 

This foolish display is now over. Amen!"


In reality this warty visitor was no country squire, but one of the infamous feral cane toads, introduced to Australia in the 1930s.  The idea was reportedly to control the harmful cane beetle and prevent it from ruining our crops of sugar cane so abundant across Northern Australia.  Following its imposed residence in North Queensland, it has been breeding like rabbits (another imported environmental nightmare) and has spread at a rate of up to 60km per year southwards to NSW and westwards across the Northern Territory towards Western Australia. 

If its unfortunate ugliness, wartiness and huge appetite for beetles were its only characteristics, then things wouldn't be so bad. The cane toad, however, excretes a noxious poison from glands behind its head.  This poison is deadly to any predator keen to have a munch.  Thus, many native species have severely declined as a consequence of developing an appetite for this easy target, not to mention the numerous pets that have gone to pet heaven after licking or otherwise fraternising with a cane toad.

Due to the severe ecological effects resulting from these creatures cavorting with the local fauna, the RSPCA has published a number of considered 'humane' ways to get rid of them from properties, including inserting them into plastic bags and placing them in the freezer.  There are also, I understand, a number of much crueller ways practised by some, under the guise of attempting to reduce cane toad numbers, including signing them up for extended golf and cricket practice and subjecting them to caustic sprays.  To date, however, the cane toad keeps hopping along into uncharted territory (at least for the cane toad), and all attempts to date to control its spread ultimately appear futile.

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And so, little did Squire Toad realise, as he leaped under the shade of one of my garden shrubs, that a much more different outcome could have resulted from our chance meeting, had I exhibited a keener interest in preserving our native fauna, or had I perhaps proven to be a keener golfer.


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951b9abf.jpgWhen not researching the weird or the wonderful, the comical or the cultured, the sinful or the serious, I chase my creative side, the results of which can be seen as selected photographs of my travels on my website at:

http://ken-boddie.squarespace.com

The author of the above, Ken Boddie, besides being a sometime poet and occasional writer, is an enthusiastic photographer, rarely leisure-travelling without his Canon, and loves to interact with other like-minded people with diverse interests.

Ken's three day work week (part time commitment) as a consulting engineer allows him to follow his photography interests, and to plan trips to an ever increasing list of countries and places of scenic beauty and cultural diversity.


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#Toad #Hall #Toad Hall #white #Mr Toad
Comments

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #38

#60
But how often do you see your breakfast hop off the plate, Dean-san?

Dean Owen

7 years ago #37

#58
Thanks for the graphic article Ken-san. Really needed to see that right before my eggs and bacon breakfast!

Dean Owen

7 years ago #36

#55
Are you sure it is rat and not Guinea Pigs which are eaten from South America to Asia? For me, the most exotic and mentally challenging food I've ever downed was Balut (Indonesia), Duck embryos cooked just before they hatch. Not a big fan of eaten heads. https://www.bebee.com/producer/@dean-owen/culinary-sadists

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #35

Hey Claire Cardwell, since you guys are obviously besotted with eating these critters, you may enjoy this blog by a Darwin lady who is into Cane toad legs: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2634736/How-like-CANE-TOAD-cooked-Australian-food-blogger-uses-pest-species-cook-dishes-make-French-blush.html

Dean Owen

7 years ago #34

#50
hmmm, cane rat burgers ey? Opportunity for a Live Buzz challenge! You up for it? 😬

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #33

#50
Detoxified toad tendons may have a certain ring to it, Claire, but the health inspector may have other ideas?

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #32

#48
Resolutions, Mohd, are sought, whether natural or fabricated, and, furthermore, Squire Toad's intrusions are proving to be deadly and his impact devastating, whether mutually agreed or otherwise.

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #31

#42
Certainly, Aurorasa, without the Hazmat suit, as in #41 and #25 below, your halloween princess may start to glow in the dark from the toxins.

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #30

#41
My OH&S expert advises me, Franci, that any hapless princess who offers her services will also need to be decked out in a full Hazmat suit with face visor, just in case.

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #29

For more ideas on how to move forward with this ridiculous toad dispelling concept, look at Dean Owen's buzz at the following: https://www.bebee.com/content/920621/886072#c5

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #28

#40
Sounds like you're fit enough for toad catching then, Maria. I'll need to check with Gert Scholtz, who's currently in Australia competing in the long jump at the 2016 World Maters Athletics Championships, but I reckon we should ask the organisers to include a hop, step and toad-catching event at the next games? 🐸

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #27

#30
Perhaps then, Maria, you could turn your sports talents to running after these tenacious toads?

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #26

#29
Frogs legs are on the menu of many a cat here in Oz too, John, but a tasty toad meal means bye bye pussy!

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #25

#28
They say, Franci, that there's a love match in this world for everyone. Well, perhaps this cheerless chappie might challenge this adage and be "the exception the proves the rule"?

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #24

#27
Thanks, Alexa. We have many crows in our area but they don't appear to show any interest in these long legged mobile meals. Perhaps I need to turn my whispering talents away from the wallabies and solicit the crows, as you suggest?

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #23

#26
I wondered how long it would take you, Gert, to rub my face in this Aussie national disaster. It's enough to turn a man to drink, or at least provide an excuse?

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #22

#25
I forgot to add, Don, that you would best wear a full Hazmat suit and either goggles or a visor, before attempting the golf swing eradication option. Also, you may not be popular with the ground staff at your local golf course, leaving sticky little multi-coloured blobs across the fairway. There again, on the positive side, the sales of golf umbrellas might increase should this turn into a spectator sport? And finally, I hasten to add, before being pestered by a flotilla of animal cruelty people, NO TOADS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS BUZZ!

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #21

#24
Your frog kiss, Kev, reminds me of another toad tale. Watching one of our local vet programmes on TV here in Oz, the vet was called to diagnose a little doggy who appeared to have the symptoms of a regular 'high' or drunkenness. After a bit of research and with the aid of a hidden video camera, they eventually worked out that this canine was licking toxin from the head of the cane toads in residence in the garden. The mutt had worked out how long to lick in order to get a buzz, without sending himself off to doggy heaven.

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #20

#23
Mmmmmmmh? I may be unimaginative, but 'detoxified toad toasties' doesn't quite sound appetising enough for me on the menu, Dean-san.

John Rylance

7 years ago #19

I had frogs of varying shapes and sizes in my garden, unfortunately the cat kept eating them, eventually they decided it was safer elsewhere.

Gert Scholtz

7 years ago #18

Ken Boddie These toads may yet prove useful - Australia lost 5-0 against SA in the recent cricket series? I just had to add some "croaking"! Thanks Sir Ken.

don kerr

7 years ago #17

FORE! Ken Boddie

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #16

You are in fine form today (or should I say 'toady'?) Sir Ken... Thanks for pointing out the downside of eager people who create a large problem in their haste to deal with another problem... I couldn't of helped but think that the story of the "Frog Prince" would have had a much different outcome if this little chap had stood in for the frog during the infamous kiss.

Dean Owen

7 years ago #15

So you've gone from being the Wallaby Whisperer to the Toad Freezer hey? Wouldn't want to mistake one of those for a lollypop (or do you call them popsicles?) This story reminds of the plight of the red squirrels in England, whose populations declined dramatically when the beefier grey squirrels were introduced from America. What you guys need to do to redress the balance is relax immigration rules for Chinese. Those cane toads I'm sure would make a mighty feast so long as you employ a trained fugu chef to deal with the toxins.

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #14

#19
Many thanks , Susan. Your compliments are a welcome complement as always. I hope your stumbling wasn't due to any loose toads on the roads?

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #13

#18
You're most welcome, Debasih. Any thoughts on toads and roos lose on the Indian subcontinent?

Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess

7 years ago #12

Clever and very well done, Ken Boddie! I stumbled upon this post of yours thanks to a suggestion to check out the Writers hive. Great post for me to see first thing this morning, so thanks!

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #11

#5
Appaloosa gallop vs toad tango? No contest, Praveen!

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #10

#11
But a Groats-Worth of Wit would go further, Mohd.

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #9

#7
But I, like Mr Toad, Phil Friedman, am a landlubber and so, "Whether a Ford or a Ferrari, whatever I can get to carry me near or far, just give me any car. I love to ride the Tar, an old Excalibar; yes, any motor car. And I'll be happy - ho-ho! Messing around in cars! "

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #8

#9
If you have dietary problems, Maria, may I suggest you try the recipe for 'toad in the hole'? This is a traditional British dish, much loved in Toad Hall.

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #7

#8
Remember, Pascal, I converse with magpies, whisper with wallabies, and have learned the lingo of cockatiels. Furthermore, Dr Doolittle refers to me as Dr Donothing. After acquiring such nonsensical fluency, the tongues of toads are trivial.

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #6

#6
Better toads on the roads, Mohd, than roos on the loose.

Pascal Derrien

7 years ago #5

Frogs all the same I did not know you knew their lingo :-)

Phil Friedman

7 years ago #4

One of the clearest truths on Earth: Mr. Mole to Ratty, "Believe me, my young friend, there is nothing - absolutely nothing - half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats." Thank you, Kenneth Grahame, for "The Wind in the Willows" and thank you Ken Boddie for the memory and the chuckle.

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #3

#3
Funny you should mention 'road', Praveen, since the Cockney rhyming slang for road is 'frog and toad'. Mind you, this princely squire was almost large enough to offer you a lift on his back and take you down the 'frog and toad' ..... had he perhaps been in a better mood. 🐸

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #2

#1
I live in constant fear, Mohd, of receiving a solicitors' letter from Toad Hall. 😰

Mohammed Abdul Jawad

7 years ago #1

Ken Boddie Aha...you took the pics of the toad without his permission. And he is off from your sight to liberty. Btw...humorous lines penned down in prompt imagery! :)

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